Ironman Arizona 2009: A DNF story PART 1 (The Build Up)

Attempting to complete Ironman Arizona has been a dream of mine for quite some time. An Ironman Triathlon is a 2.4mi swim, 112mi bike ride and 26.2 mi run within a 17h time period. On Nov 22nd 2009 I attempted and failed to complete Ironman Arizona by falling 5 min short of reaching the 4:15pm bike cutoff time and receiving a DNF.

DNF in triathlon stands for Did Not Finish. But to me, my DNF during Ironman Arizona stands for Dream Not Fulfilled (yet). I’ll be back in Arizona someday to re-attempt making this dream a reality. For now, here’s my account of what happened and what I learned from it.


The Build Up To The Ironman:

On Nov 22nd 2009, I toed the line with over 2500 athletes to compete in Ironman Arizona (2.4mi swim, 112mi bike ride, 26.2mi run) The weather conditions were forecasted to be perfect: A 75 degree high with 6mph or so winds. But inside, I didn't feel perfect. For some reason, over the last few weeks, while I'd been anticipating this event in eagerness, I couldn't picture myself crossing the line.

I had started training for this event in January of this year and by the time Aug rolled around, I had built up a solid base to jump into peak training with. I did a half Ironman (1.2mi swim, 56mi bike, 13.1mi run) on Aug 1st called Barb’s race (my 3rd Half Iron ever) that went pretty well from my standards. I had been working hard all year and was improving little by little. The proof was in the pudding.

Starting in August, I began to get into the MEAT of Ironman training. During this time, it was necessary for me to workout 15-20h per week, ride 80-100mi over the weekend and essentially making Ironman training a top priority no matter what. While this was a daunting challenge, racing Barb’s race had re-ignited my desire to train and I felt ready for it.

But right in the midst of this all, a job opportunity that caused me to move from SF to LA came across my path. The position was almost exactly the kind of role I had envisioned myself pursuing about a year down the road. At this point, I wasn’t ready to leave SF by any means…I mean I had a great gig at Slide and I was right smack in the middle of the PEAK training for Ironman Arizona for cryin’ out loud. But…something inside my told me that going to LA and accepting this opp was the right thing for my career and my future. I just couldn’t bring myself to say no to it.

I accepted the position as the manager of marketing and analytics and Hangout Industries on Aug. 10th 2009 and I needed to pack up, say good bye to my friends and family, and get the heck outa san Francisco within a short 3 week time period for a Sept 1st start date.

Suddenly, I didn’t want to let triathlon and Ironman be one of my top two priorities in life. I wanted to hang out with my friends. I wanted to stay out late. I wanted to be with my family. I wanted to pack everything in peace. I wanted to take in what I could of San Francisco before I had to leave it prematurely to pursue this new opportunity down south.

And during that time, I resented Ironman and I resented triathlon. I didn’t want to do those 80mi bike rides in the heat. I didn’t want to dedicate every single one of my three last weekends to triathlon. I wanted to go have fun and I didn’t want to worry about how it would affect my workouts. I didn’t want to ‘figure’ out some way to ‘fit’ it all in. I wanted to be ‘normal’.

So tri training took a back seat. A HUGE back seat. I stopped doing most of my weekly workouts. I had no drive to. I hated the fact that I had to move across the state yet I had to worry about making my target workouts EVERY SINGLE DAY. I still kept up with all of the longer workouts, but the heart just wasn’t there.

Once I moved down to LA and started working, the same feelings haunted me. I had JUST moved to LA and I wanted to unpack, I wanted to adjust, I wanted to get to know more people and explore the town and I DIDN’T want to be a slave to triathlon training.

I actually seriously thought about ‘quitting’ Ironman at that time and try again when the heart was there, maybe next year…maybe the year after. I didn’t want to do Ironman like this. I wanted to do it right. I wanted to do it when I was completely vested in it and was yearning for it.

But something inside me just wouldn’t let me quit cold and try again. I had already sunk so much time into this and I was so close.

12 weeks.

So, so close.

I just couldn’t get myself to throw in the towel. So I kept going, half assed, missing too many weekly workouts, and barely hangin’ on. Sadly and simply put, I just didn’t want to do the work. So I didn’t.

I felt like I was doing ‘just enough’ to stay afloat and at this point, ‘just enough’ was good enough for me. I didn’t care anymore. I just want this doggone thing done with. By the way, training ‘just enough’ still meant training roughly 12-13h during the heaviest weeks, instead of the 15-17h that I really should’ve been putting in.

This is NOT how I wanted to feel when I toed the line during Ironman. I absolutely knew that I was cutting corners and not putting in the work that I should’ve put in. Did I feel like I could cross that finish line at that time? Yeah, I did. But could I envision what it would feel like given that I was (way) less than satisfied with the work that I had put into it? No, I really couldn’t.

To Be Continued....