Sleepless...

It's happening again.

It's official.

The chlorine infused pool water at the YMCA SF HATES me.

LOATHES me.

REVELS in my misery.

NEVER wants me to come back.


You see, the pool and I....we don't get along.

Not only am I bad at swimming...I have this issue with water. I'm sort of...allergic to it.

Not so much when I drink it, but more so when I swim in it. Especially when Chlorine is involved.

I don't know WHAT is wrong with me or WHY this happens but, if I let too many days pass between swims, I get a 24 hr sinus bug.

But this isn't just an achoo-bless-you-oh-thank-you-sniffle-sniffle kind of bug.

This... is a SINUS BUG.

It is a COUGH your lungs up, SNEEZE your eye-balls out, BLOW the skin off your nose type of nasal malfunction.

And wanna know what the worst part about the whole thing is?

I CANNOT BREATHE.

AT ALL.

THROUGH EITHER NOSTRIL.

AT ALL


Yep. The ALL CAPS were absolutely essential in conveying the sentiment felt by yours truly.

Let me put it in perspective for you.

It's 2:52am, and I need to wake up by 8am to do a HARD bike workout before going in to work.

So what's the big deal Azra? Just go to sleep and you'll be fine.

You know, I'd love to go to sleep right now. In fact, I'm ridiculously sleepy....my bed looks so inviting..... oh so very, very inviting.....one problem:

I CANNOT BREATHE.

Infact, every time i try to swallow, my ears start to pop. My nose is just THAT clogged.

Not only do I have to wake up for an 8am bike ride, I need to do a 1h strength training routine in the evening....and if my nose doesn't free up soon...and I can't get to bed soon, I don't know how I'll successfully complete those workouts.

I know that this problem is very much a problem of the privileged and you're probably thinking:

Boo Hoo Azra, so you can't make your workouts tomorrow, you'll live, your life will go on

But it's not as simple as that.

I've signed up for a commitment: IRONMAN ARIZONA 2009.

And this commitment is very high on my priority list. It currently dictates a large part of my life.

But I have my doubts.

Lately I've been in a triathlon funk and I've been wondering...

Was signing up the right thing to do?

Is my heart even all the way in it?

It's 5 months before the race and I'm already working out 11-12h per week....swimming, biking, running, strength training, stretching...... it's overwhelming.

And I've only just begun...it's only gonna get tougher from here on out.

Sometimes....sometimes I wonder if it's all even worth the trouble?

On nights like tonight when I'm up at 2am because of my swim induced sinus bug....I really get put to the test.

At times it seems like all I do is work, eat, sleep, Ironman.

Yeh Jeena bhi Kya jeena hai lalloo ? (in hindi, rough translation: What kind of a life is this anyway?)

But then I remember: My commitment to compete in Ironman is no longer just a commitment to myself.

When I had signed up for Ironman, I had decided that I would fundraise for FOCUS Humanitarian

Not because I have to...but because accomplishing a feat as tremendous as Ironman would feel incomplete if it wasn't benefiting others who are less fortunate in the process.

Well, I finally set up my fundraising page: www.firstgiving.com/Azra where people can donate to FOCUS Humanitarian in support of my attempt to compete in Ironman.

In fact, I've already raised a small sum on the site.

People I personally know have been generous and compassionate enough to support me in this endeavor.

They've put their faith in FOCUS.

They've put their faith in me and in my ability to successfully train for and attempt Ironman.

Some have even been inspired by my story.

And that means I can't let them down.

On days like today, when I am wondering 'What am I doing all this for anyway?' I have a constant reminder motivating me to persevere:

Because They believe in you.

Because They are counting on you.

Because this isn't just about you anymore.

Because no matter how 'bad' you think you may have it, there are so many others out there who have it so much worse.

And you cannot let them down.

And you have to stay strong.

And you cannot let this get to you.